Friday, December 18, 2009

A New Year Ahead...

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myspace layouts



Christmas is coming...

Let's recap on the happenings occured throughout 2009

The good, the bad, the delightful and the heartrending...the cheerful and cheerless episodes hurdling into our life for the past one year...

For the good; we treat as accomplishment as they are the milestones achieved and therefore give yourself a pat for the deeds done.

As for the bad; they are keepsake of experience as failures and mistakes are layers of foundation towards success.

Remember: A successful person is a result of eons of failures.

With this; we charge forward to a new fruitful year ahead with a recharged, revitalized and rejuvenated mind, body and soul in totality.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Just Need A Lil' ...

Today man down. By 7.20, self-declared MC took place. Lucky enough, I have an ever-there housemate taking care of me; from breakfast to medicine...and finally dozed off under medication.

Made a call...maybe being sick is super-sensitive or maybe it's in my blood; just felt that the intonation ain't right; and so I regretted for making that call.

Just longing for sprinkles of attention. a doze of pamper and spoonful of fuss over me while I needed it most; at least for a while...is it too much for an ask? I wonder...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just A Clip...

Laze around doing nothing; surfing while waiting for his game to finish...and as usual...fb-ing and that’s when I saw the clip...

Life is idiosyncratic and I never doubt of its miraculous existence. Sometime somewhere somehow you have been thinking that it will end the way you have always speculated, always dreamt of; but in real life things just ain’t going to be the way you have always wanted it to be…

Often enough in life, decision is just about making an action, getting a resolution or mouthing a statement; but people often overlook the fact that some lil’ decision we’ve made is going to affect the whole lifetime of ours…or maybe others too.

Sometimes we just never realize…with one turning…there the whole game of life altered. With one mistake done; no rectification could ever be done. With one decision made; all the moments shared together become irretrievable memories of eternity…memories with no common future in place…

Sometimes you just wonder; does it worth it? All the hardship, sweetness and thick and thin you’ve undergone together; washed down the drain due to slightest misunderstanding; a moment of frustration and a foolish act of ego-surrounded mind?

A clip worth watching…and a lesson worth to be remembered…

If You Were Me...

If being indifferent is not a good choice; what about craving for more?

Which is better; indifferent or demanding?

Which is bearable; apathetic towards disappointment or frowning over it?

Should I apathetically brush off the discontentment or stain my cheeks over it?

If you were me, which way to go? ...I wonder

Sunday, September 27, 2009

If You Are To Pluck Roses, Get Ready To Be Pricked!


Every matter in life comes with an action with commitment needed and sacrifices anticipated. Should you think you are ready for the thing you set to do; get ready for the unexpected hurdles and either you overcome the hiccups with a great laugh or sulking and licking your wound for thing doesn’t turn out the way you expected. To think that things will always in favour of you, it will be a wishful and vain thinking just like hoping to strike a jackpot when you didn’t even pull the slot machine’s handle.

When your plan didn’t work out; cry a lil’ and get over it..it’s not the end of the world…betterstill; get a contingency plan! God granted us with a super-computerized brain not for it to get rusty nor rotten over the age but for us to fully utilize it throughout the entire lifespan. To think about it, how many of us have been using it anyway?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Summary of An Ending And A New Beginning...

It has been a long time since I last found the passion to blog again...it might be due to the horrendous working life which everyone seems to sulk upon...or caused by the fact that I've been adapting a new habit of contemplating and bottle up all the things...not willing to share or talk 'bout it....hated myself for the new habit acquired but hopelessly give in...

There has been a so-called paradigm shift in my life for the past three months...from the luckiest gal on this earth having all the basic necessities, a fulfulling dream job and a devoted partner who was so promising...to a tear-stained out-of-love and aimless lost spirit passing each day like a walking zombie. I thought I couldn't make it to see the next sun shine for having all the roadblocks and barriers of obstacles pouring and smashing right into my face...until I met some angels sent by God who selflessly picked me up from where I fall...dedicatedly gather my pieces of broken heart, soul and mind ... and taught me how to stand up again by my own...

Slowly and pain-stakingly; I learnt my way to leave the past behind...not all of course but the very least I could now talked 'bout it without shedding tears...for the mind-trending memories were too much precious to me...

Eventually...the fate played a trick upon me again...for He walked into my life not long after I learn how to stand up again...and once again I am struck by dilemma...for wanting to start anew yet fear to try...for having interested but dare not to commit...

At last...I gave it a go and really hope it works this time around...How the future will be? It will be revealed as time goes by, I suppose...till then...

Friday, August 28, 2009

A New Beginning?

It is a new beginning for sure...yet the lil' heart doesn't seem to be at ease...wonder if it has been in dormant for years...and therefore having a shock for a restart...or...is it because it has been badly wounded and therefore self-defense mode automatically kicks in? I wonder...

And of course she yearns for a new beginning...a new breeze of life...a new soul to share her world...for she knows if she never try to walk out from the dark; she will remain in pitfall towards eternity...

And of course she feels the fear pounding hard inside; the ghost of memories fills her eyes and the soreness of past tear her down...for the longer trail walked the longer footsteps left behind...

No doubt her mind begged her to stop...pleaded to cease the doubt and follow the heart...for sense and sensibility is just as hard...

Would she be able to overcome the fear? I wonder...

Would she want to have a new start? No doubt...

Would he be the one? ...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Dream I Had...

I had a dream...


A dream of sweetness ... and a dream leads to substantiation...

A dream which reflects yearns and concerns

A desire to undertake

A wish to be fulfilled

A decision to be made

A verdict to trail the following destiny...

Monday, July 27, 2009

Contemplating again...


Complicated seems to be the perfect state I'm in now...

Knowing perfectly how the heart feels yet reluctant to accept the feeling it gave...

Knowing what the next move is yet fear to tackle the challenges ahead...

Pretending to be ignorant yet wise enough to see the illustration portrayed...

For the fear of succumb is there...and the pain of failure is horrendous...

And I wonder what's the best to be done? ...

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Trip To Bali...The Island of Memories

A trip that works wonder...and I'm glad to be able to leave everything behind and go for it... and I believe I made a right choice for that.

Refreshed, rejuvenate and recharged; what else could I wish for?

The oncoming pathway is full of hidden trails and unearth mysteries...for God to know and for me to discover...

And I wonder what's next? To stayput or move on? To attempt or to skip?

I wonder...






Monday, July 6, 2009

Current State of Mind and Soul...

Life without vision is aimless...and it’s tougher when you once had it but have to let go though you heart pleaded not to do so...The journey ahead seemed so gloomy and full of trails...which lead to uncertainty.

A loved one once advised me to move on...don’t stay put in Ayer...I wish I could and of course hope for the same for him but...I succumbed still...

Will I be able to move on? ...A question yet to be answered...

Monday, June 1, 2009

Our End...Will I Be Able To Resuscitate It?

30th May 2009

A dinner at Pan… a coffee at Old Town…a short walk back to home…and marked the end of our six and a half year of journey.

How do I feel? No word could describe the pain…for it is immense…for the pain stretches out more when deep inside I know that his suffering was greater…far greater than mine…

I couldn’t help but blaming myself, regretting over and over again for my stupidity and worthlessness which resulted in all the torment for both of us; particularly him…for he loves me dearly and unconditionally to get such a merciless retribution.

The only wish I had in mind now is to do my best in patching things up…mend all the broken heart of his by bits and pieces…it might not be as good as what it used to be…but I’m sure if I did nothing to change myself and deliver what I promised, I will have to personally certified our relationship as dead…which is the last thing I want…

Dear God, please give me strength to survive through all these…give me strength to use this 6 months time to slowly win him back to my side..for I love him more than anything else in the world…for I couldn't lose the man who has been my life for all these while...forever and ever...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Put Thyself In Other's Shoes...

Have you ever seen people accidentally wounded themselves when doing some chores?

The moment when you see the scenario, what will be your expression?

What will be the first word escape your mouth? Could it be "Ouch"?

Well, try to imagine yourself having the wound upon you, will it be more intense than watching?

If the answer is YES, read on...if not...CLOSE THIS WEBSITE AS IT IS NOT MEANT FOR YOU!


Having a baby project of sweats and hardship owned by the special two suddenly being hijacked by third party is worse enough; not to mention when the third fella took all the credits as if she or he started the whole baby from stratch and dust...

Life's a pathetic joke when these kinda dramas are on the stage...and what can you do 'bout it? Nothing but laugh it off, shake 'em off...and continue to enslave yourself to every task possible hoping that someday somewhere somehow a significant one will see you; the tiny little potato who sculpts the whole mountain but was constantly granted a molehill...and from there with the slight hope that you'll be bequeathed with an on par recognition for your contribution and sacrifices for being behind the stage all these while...

...without having the vision actualized, all you can do is dream on and continue working as a slave...


Ying, I know and understand all the wisdow you are trying to bestow, but I guess it's just the hardtime like you say I need to endure in order to become the NEXT you. Don't worry, I'm still coping well and will continue doing the same till THE DAY...


All right!!! Enough sulking...time to get up and go heads on...starting a new day with brighter hopes and greater enthusiasm...Believe in thyself and nothing can beat thee!

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Recipe of Success...

Believing is the recipe of success. If you don’t, why bother attempt where you know you are doomed to fail anyway? For you never believe in succeed, why should success come to you?

Remember the aphorism, “If you fail to plan; you plan to fail” …Hereby I pirated the well-known proverb used and redefined it according to my personal belief, “If you fail in believing, you believe in failing.”


Thanks, my dear friend...for enlightening my shallow mind once again...for being there listening to my sulk with no hesitation, and for knocking some senses into this rock-made head belonged to a strong-will girl.

Will It Be My Body Or My Soul Plays The Trick?

Finally surrendered to the exhaustion in my body due to accumulated stress, hectic and the most important factor…the unexpected changes arisen week earlier. Maybe the body finally gets to know the word 'weary'…or maybe it’s a different story altogether.

Will it possibly be the soul and mind trying to shun away the current situation; denying the roadblock in the way, refuting those pebbles found along the long smooth winding road?

My mind started to boycott; thinking of having to work my ass off and even sacrificing weekends doing office work at home yet the pathway doesn’t seem promising…Instead of gearing ahead, I started to retrieve…rebelliously…inaudibly deny the arrangement set upon me…

Sigh…I wonder if this is just a temporary avalanche or a permanent catastrophe so long as I entrapped myself here? I wonder…

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Living Up To My Preaches...

I do agree that we should not judge the book by its cover; still it is a fact that in psychological study, 93% of interaction is based on physical appearance and nonverbal cues a.k.a body language. To me, first impression is the point of winning a heart and that is why I always try my very best in ensuring the first impression I send out will win hearts.
I’m now very much into practicing whatever I preach; for the reason that professionalism is where I start and where I will advance forth. It’s really a wonder to me when there are people in my line still couldn’t grasp the essence of it though the highly respected veteran status they have acquired through their years of battling in the corporate world. Sad, huh? Well, that’s life. And what we can do with it will be setting it as an example which we shall never apply into our principle of life; a road not taken...ever.
From there, it’s the real beginning of self-actualization and discovery...

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Burden Unburdened...

Think this is not dedicated to you,
don’t read!

Think this is mushy,
don’t look!

Think you don’t like this,
get lost!

And if you like it,
thanks a lot!

Back home exhausted; spiritually and mentally challenged with unexpected tragedy over my possession. With the mind bewildered with the oncoming compensation and workloads due to the loss and ex cetera; I went home.

When I opened the door to our room, there he is, grinning ever-widely as if nothing had happened, though he received the sad news from me much earlier in the day. Looking at my pathetic face, he tried every methods he ever known of to make the frown fades away; from tickling to gnawing; silly face to childish grin...and eventually carries me on his back and told me he’s going to bear the consequences with me.

When I told him there’s no such need; the following are his words, “You’re my burden...and I’ll carry you as we move on...”. Not the aid and not the promises...but the simple words and sincere gestures...unburdened all the burdens...and made me never regret for loving him till the end...

A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed!

If I were to describe what a day it has been, I would probably used the new word I invented; “fuckinlicious”…sorry dear fans…the author is trying to de-stress here today so please don’t mind about the words starting with A*, S* and F*.

Early morning was presented with a group of attendees who turned out to be absentees for my workshop and forced me to cancel my class; followed by a gift where the desk phone just happily went kaput. When I thought nothing else could have gone wrong, ta-da…biggest surprise in my entire short-lived career walkway… a missing lappy!!!

How wonderful life can play tricks on you…for better or worse…even it’s not April’s Fool…as if your beloved mother just gave birth to you for them to party on you… and you can never demand anything from life itself…it was just the perfect bully of lifetime.

As it was considered as my own negligence for leaving it on desk during lunchtime, I assumed to bear the consequences, unwillingly but to give in. Being a trainer who doesn’t practice what I preach made me shameful enough to defense myself further on.

Just as I was at the pitfall; the sonorous valley of despair; some voices echoing through and stroked my heart. Simple whispers of concern, stretches hands of help; earnest compassionate deeds with devoted relieves offered.

What else could a person asked for when he or she is in trouble; people around them eagerly came to help rather than holding back themselves? What else is more touching than having someone to back you up when you are about to fall? And what else could be better when you’ve found sincere hearts amidst a long frozen-hearted society?

Dear friends,

Thank you all for your concerns and offers of help...It really meant a lot to me and finally today, I’ve grasped the lateral meaning of “A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed”.

Am I On The Right Track?




Being right is ain’t easy and sometimes when you think you’re right but people around you think differently; you’ll start to ponder, “Am I right or are they wrong?” …And there are other times when you know you’re heading towards the wrong direction yet simply can’t stop yourself…for various reasons…then the defensiveness emerges… “I know it’s somehow wrong but still I can’t help myself!”
Lately, there had been few encounters when someone suggested to reconsider my profession…well…somehow it’s a simultaneous effect of good and bad feeling swirling inside me. Being affirmed to have a certain flair for another occupation somehow or rather boosts up the confidence and egoism…yet to be doubt of having a good prospect by sticking to my current job sounds pathetic.

In fact, I adore my job though wish to have more hands-on trainings park under my nose. On the other hand, being doubt for choosing the right profession still haunting my mind…Ying has told me to give a few years to try on …which I have abide for so long…in spite of the same uncertainty keep clouding my ever-confined brain.

I had been asking myself on and off; am I on the right track? Should I maneuver or stay on track? Is it too soon? Will I regret? What if…and what if?

The questions yet to be answered…

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Zephyr of Love Drapes Around My Heart…



6 years ago, he stole my heart...and 6 years later, he did it again. He who is always lukewarm in romanticism finally strikes again…and each time he acts simply steals my breath away.

A simple card, my favourite roses, a token of love & sprinkles of surprise…that’s all it takes to melt my little heart…for he knows what frowns my brows and curves my lips…for I know what he did is truly from his heart.

For him to write me a poem is a rocket-science project…yet what he did touches me to the core of my heart.

Simple wording simple rhythm, simple language from a simple heart; with a simple meaning and a simple gesture…that’s how he simply steals my heart again.

I love you, Kwong Fu...



Monday, April 6, 2009

What Is Team Building All About?

What’s so peculiar with team building whereby certain companies are more than willing to burn a hole in their already slashed pockets to send their employees to such event? What is such a deal about people gather in a place and undergo some physical or mentally challenged activities? What is the ulterior ‘thing’ we want to see at the end of the day?

Below will be my two cents worth of thoughts:

Each individual comes to this world bringing their distinctive characteristic. That is what makes homosapien so interesting, so much renowned than other creatures in this galaxy. When human races meet each other, it creates miracle or vice versa; catastrophe.

Why is it so? Because when people who come together are willing to accept each others’ individuality, embracing one another’s strength and seal their weaknesses; that’s when magic of miracles evolves!

However, when they are blindly led by their self-centeredness, unwilling to welcome other’s uniqueness, when blame games uproot over failure; catastrophe erupts.

By identifying the differences of people in an organization and know how to bring them together as one, that is the key to ignite synergy and sail every member of the establishment to a greater success. And how do we achieve the oneness that each and every establishment yearned for? I would say that team building is the answer.

Curious of why am I so firm about my statements? I justified my belief with what I’ve heard throughout the team building of Packet Hub.

Sherry said, “It’s a Domino effect. One falls, all fail."

Timothy said, “Let’s celebrate the differences!”

Eddie said, “We’ve got to choose the right people for the right position to achieve
the goal together.”

Anonymous, “Just believe it. Just do it.”

Ideas Of The Universe Are At Your Feet...Waiting For You To Exploit

2 days 1 night in Port Dickson this time around is quite fruitful, I guess. Ample of time with no room to spend is indeed a mind torturing deed. After a while of being an amateur photographer, I started to sit down under the tree and observed my fellow colleagues happily struggling with the ‘fun’ games created by team builders.

The convivial breeze from the sea, the ever sunny sky glowing upon the woodland; a perfect ambience for generating ideas and welcoming inspirations. That was the moment it stroke me…Why sit here and do nothing? You have the perfect setting to release your words into a memorable work…and that’s when I started to blog. I took out my pen and notepad and minutes later, inks started to swamp the notepad on my hands.

To tell the truth, all the ideas to write, issues to contemplate on, matters to be commented on suddenly just inundated my mind, each trying to prove that they are worthy to be the first priority in my latest blog. The sensation was just inexpressible… having the ideas of the universe in your head without the need to crack the skull thinking of what to write!

As what the title insinuates, the ideas of the universe are at your feet…just waiting for you to exploit.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I Miss Home...

All these while, homesick has never been a real issue in my life but this time around, I just want to grab my backpack (clothes, innerwear, wallet, hp…and THE MOST IMPORTANT!!! SKINCARE) … errm...I wonder can stuff my BB into my backpack or not??? …and flying straight back home to Mom…hugging her hard and tell her “Mom, I love you”

I’m aghast of being in the state of ail since experienced the past whole month living in the torture of sickness…not to mention some other personal issues which joined hands in assaulting my mind. I thought I’m slowly recovering and happily munching away food which I’ve missed out for the whole month but…today bloody hell symptom arise AGAIN…

After enjoying my not-so-impressive breakfast tapao from cafeteria, I started to feel the dizziness cropping out from nowhere. There was one time I stood up; ready to go for fruit attack in M Floor and just a few steps I geared in, my body staggered. That just confirmed it, yeah…You’re sick again, baby!!! We come to visit you again on April Fool!!!

Seeing everyone happily goo hunting for their lunch makes me envious and jealous. Heading down to M floor; looking at people cheerfully munching away their food made me disgusted at myself…apala..sikit-sikit sakit…taufu arr?

Subsequently, the familiar face of my beloved Mother surfaced and her frequently asked questions streaming into my now giddy mind…She will be asking, “Why are you sick again lo?. Must be didn’t eat proper meal again, right? Tell you already, don’t need to scare to be fat, fat is prosperity. You are skinny already, why on diet again? Got see doctor or not? Got eat medicine or not? Aiyo, you ahh…like “Ling Dai Yu” (a.k.a Ailing Beauty).

Mom…I missed you so much…I’m sick again…

A Sensation Breathes Life Into Me...

Achiness marched into my body system towards the noon of the day… and the commotion of pain, sore and rawness is a pleasure to suffer this time around…Weird? Yeah…I guess so. Maybe due to years of dormant lead to this idiocy…enjoying the pain that healthiness brings; coz deep down I somehow realize that pain is good…it’s good…

Lately, there has been a paradigm shift in my emotion, or should I say paradigm shifts? In friendship, I encountered fraudulence and experienced genuineness. Physically, I recognized deterioration in health yet I rediscover the flicker of life. Emotionally, I succumbed and learn how to get back on my feet again. Spiritually, I regain what I’ve once lost – my inner self.

I guess I am still gaining the merit despite the month of sickness that tore down my health…for I have rekindle with what I’ve always been looking for…the real me.

Monday, March 30, 2009

A Song From Sweet Brats..."Sweetness"

Browsing through my old trunk in lappy and accidentally found this piece of masterpiece...a song written by one of my students in Malacca during my final year practicum. A brilliant and tender-hearted kid; a brainy who challenged me at the very first sight of me...thinking who the hell is this Chinese girl trying to be a smartie here? Well, within 3 months time, this is what he wrote for me...Ladies and gentlemen, presenting..."Sweetness"


'Sweetness'

You really so sweet
Visitor in the sleep
Thought you were mean
Turn out u so keen

You just came to teach
But you a bit childish
You good in English
But your slang were funny with it

Chorus
We love you so
We love you Ms.Wong

Dont forget the whole
thing we'd done in 3 months long

You a funny lady
Sometimes silly to me
Always back me up
No matter i'm down or up

Chorus

Solo(not finish yet...hehehe)

It is time for you go
Sure hard to let go
It is your job
Hope you never stop,but..

Only I know,only I know
Only we know
You really important in one life's show

Chorus

Remember us RK brat
Only make you mad
Promise won't be bad
No need to feel sad


You like it? When I received it, I couldn't help but dampen my cheeks. It's not about what I achieved in my result or my practical outcome albeit I scored an A for that subject. It's a personal achievement; a whole-hearted recognition given by those lovely brats...accolades which further strengthen my belief in delivering my sincere effort spending in educating them rather than just to complete my practical. It makes me reflect on how true it is when I named this blog as The Garden of Sow And Reap...Whatever you sow is whatsoever you reap one day...It’s the law of karma…and I’m glad that I sowed unconditionally back then.

A Day At Gym Wakes Me Up...

A friend asked to destress at gym...and I agreed without thinking...feeling that it's time to turn all the volcanic eruption into a positive energy. And off we went; and that's when I found out that...I'm old d, man!I didn't even complete a 30 minutes workouts!!!

When the treadmill started to get going ...faster and faster...and I started to focus in keeping up the pace; that is when the old sensation came alive! Just focused at keeping up the pace...sapping away all your troubles and worries. Just stay aiming at achieving your goal...nothing more nor less! Eventually, I managed to drag on for 25 minutes...well, at least I stayed on the track that long after years of hibernation!!! Hah

The drenched and exhausted Shawn is what I see in the mirror...and that healthy glowing silly face is nostalgic...which I haven't seen in years...The face freed of worries and facade...the real innerself...how I wish to turn back time...to be myself again...

I found that I've slowly losing it all after entering the career world. I lost my principles, my genuine-self, my passion for life and my personality. Somehow somewhere in my life, I started to hate myself. Reflection of the ugly drenched duckling inside the mirror is like a wake-up call; reaching out to me...begging my soul to bring her back; back to where she once inhabited.

Hopefully once I pick up the rusty gear I will keep it going...and regain my trueself again. Once again, thanks a lot, Mickey...you are one good buddy! Thanks for letting me mirroring back myself one more time.

Dear Kiara...

Baby, Mommy missed you much. I dreamt of you again. The nostalgia gushed back into my mind again, counting on how much fun and joy, pain and grief we had together. Remember the blog I tried very hard to write for you after you’re gone? Well, Mommy did it yet never publishes it up to now…for there is never enough room to describe you; for your existence in my life is beyond word.

The guilt still never leave me though; for I never get the chance to see you one last time; to tell you how much you meant to me and to hold you one final time. When Mum told me that you were gone, you couldn’t imagine how I went through my days…barrels of tears and life in avalanche… you will definitely heartbreak to see your beloved owner in despair.

I remembered how you used to be there for me all the time, wagging your tail; devotedly waiting for my return from school.
I remembered how I used to share with you my stories; for you gave me assurance that you never kiss and tell. I longed for the ticklish sensation when you gnawed my ears. I yearned for you to lick my tears away. And now, I ached for you are not here when I needed you most…Mommy love you, my sweet child…

Liar Liar The Truth Is On Fire...

I've been educate not to tell lie...and I've read "The Boy and The Wolf". I wonder if those who have read the book still not enlightened by the moral of the story. I hated liar...and disgusted by the fact to have them around me.

I've always been eulogized to be witty and proud of that...but now I've finally come to the point to know what a dim-witted child I am...Being fooled and kept in the dark...until this very moment of truth.

Well, I guess that's not a bad thing to discover by now. At least I get to know that not everyone deserve my kindness, truthfulness and friendship.

Thank you for enlighten me in real life, practically with a deep punch, leaving a perpetual mark to remind me it's always good to have the benefit of doubt on my side. I'm fooled but I'm glad to experience this setback...for I'll be wiser in future. Thank you, my DEAR FRIEND!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

A Sinner I Am...

Forgive me God for I have sinned. I promised myself for I won’t succumb yet I failed. Circumstances are meant to be alluring and human is doomed to be tested with only two outcomes; success or failure…and mine the latter. I entrusted myself so much that the relinquishment put me into shame and notoriously labeled my life for eternal. Should I be given another chance to choose, would I still make the same decision? I have no answer…for time can never be restored.

Current situation only consent a path which I must follow and will always do – Make a choice and never look back! I’ve gained this message from my beloved sisters and it has helped me to be who I am and where I belong now… and this will be the guiding light I will hold on to now…

Friday, March 27, 2009

Who ordain the norm?



There’s a common believe that guy and girl can never be best friends. Well, at least that’s what most people believe in. I used to challenge the belief once upon a time; when I was very much a confidante to Wei Hon. Eventually we drifted apart and other encounters started to take place in my life…and I became one of the myth believers. I started to reckon that best friend can never be from opposite gender as either one will eventually have a crush on the other…And today, I proudly reclaim my once-deserted tenet…Soul mates are regardless gender and age.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fairytale About You & Your Secret Admirer...

Did you ever dream of having a secret admirer in your life? Well, I did. When I was young, I often imagined when I finally step into a career world, I would have a secret admirer carrying a torch for me; secretly yet meticulously shower his attention towards my need.

I would always dreamt to receive tiny weeny cards on my table, maybe some bonbons or even suprise, a bouquet of purple roses smiling sweetle at my workstation; ready to embrace the bolt of the blue expression of their beloved owner!

I still remembered during schooldays, whenever there is a gift exchange or gift delivery campaign happening during Valentine's, Christmas and other occasions, every girl will be anticipating to receive gift from a special someone or...from a secret admirer. The moment your name is being called to receive a gift from the despatch, the pleasure is totally beyond words.

If the sender happened to be your friend, you will feel their warmest care. And if the person turned out to be your special someone, then love is in the air...And when you received a gift from a total stranger...that is when the magic sets in.

You start to hallucinate...dreaming of the slight possibilities of having a prince in the knight armour riding on a white horse to ask your hand in matrimony. What a perfect fairytale to come true...

Well, I admit that I still have the dream lingering on...what about you?...

Being Sick Is A Torment...

My body has totally been battered since I took up this job. Honestly speaking, I haven't really have a good day rest from the day I joined till this moment. There will always be unexpected things rolling in and keep me all over the place...How I wish I have Monkey King's ability; to transform my hair into little little Shawn and cascade my tasks to them...Phew!

Being sick for the entire month left me with threadbare energy to focus on aspects of life. I don't shop, watch movie, cook or do tiny little thing that I used to make a fuss of. I don't even dare to call back home and talk to mum; for she will know that I fall sick and it is unbearable for her to worry about me again; when she have so much things to brood over. Being a challenging juvenile back then has caused her enough tears and pain. I wish her no more agony for the rest of her remaining years.

Dear my blogs fans, do not fret over my health. I am on the road to recovery and in no time, you will see the shiny lovely and charming Shawn blogging away happily again...till then...adios!

Monday, March 16, 2009

My Mother ... The Feline Of Hearts

A ferocious feline, yet tempestuously doted her cubs…A timorous hen, yet courageously fight against danger for her chicks. A careless cow elephant who never fail to provide haven for her young…Have you ever encounter anyone described as above? If yes, then you have met my Mother.

I remembered how every other folk used to reticently laugh at her; being a mother who bore 5 daughters and bear no son. I remembered how people sneered at her being ignorant to Chinese custom. I remembered how people looked down on her for working in slaughterhouse to earn a living…And I remember how proudly she posed in my graduation picture; being the last child who obtained scroll in our family.

Being deprived from education doesn't impede her from educating us the importance of knowledge. Being deficient in cooking skills doesn't forbid her from feeding us; and being underprivileged doesn’t bar her from providing us with the best that she could afford.
My mom is not highly educated. She is not well-groomed to be a lady. She knows no tradition nor having a sense of fashion. She is just a little woman whom everyone thinks she is; washing clothes, providing food and beating kids. In fact, she doesn’t even know how to cook a storm!

And YES…She is my mother…a mother irreplaceable in the child’s eyes.

A Night Out In Cybercafe...

Grab a Slurpee from 7-E and eased myself into the dirty seat in Cybercafé. The weak line at home forced both of us outta our beloved nest and squirming uncomfortably in this rundown place. Have a good chat with Ying, and ever-funny Daizee and of course the sick yet tetchy Sean Lee!!! OMG..Anyone who know him please just don’t mention this to him!!!

Feeling much better now … after having a long chat over the lunch with Sab…talking ‘bout everything bout our work…parents, family, future, vision, romance…and it was like talking to an old buddy...sharing everything from ups to downs…Suddenly I felt it was heavier for me to let her walk away so soon… A short-lived period of apprenticeship…

Yet it was a relieve I felt when I see the fire, the passion reflected in her eyes when she speaks about PRU. You can almost feel the energy swirling in her, lighting up the spirit. It gave the final endorse to the reason for her to leave. I wonder when and where will I find the same passion... same flickers of flame within me in my future career path? That will certainly be a mystery to explore on…

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Another farewell around the corner...Why am I always in the picture?

OMG! OMG! OMG! Am I doomed to receive such ill-fated life in my career path?!!! Same conspiracy, same scenario, same decision...hopefully not the same outcome...sigh

Just when I started to settle comfortably in my new environment, looking forward to a greater height with my ever-loving boss, Sab; the DISASTER came!!! Just like what Kelly did to me last time, she did it again...:(...but of course I'm always happy for they are heading towards greater laurels in their career pathway. As what Ying told me, never rest on your laurels...I'm growing up, sis!

But what truly comfort my emotion is that she has the intention to bring me away when it is the right time...No matter it was a genuine intention or just as a courtesy, it made my day:) It felt great when someone appreciate your help around them and wish to take you along when they are going for good....I'll be waiting for you like a damsel in distress..haha...make sure you come back and save me in knight costume...

Anyway, it's a shame that we will only be working for such a short period of time...There are eons to learn from you...and that's the sincere piece from my heart. Getting to know you left no regret in my life. You have been a supportive boss, passionate friend, wise advisor and truly a confidante. Hopefully, we'll be colleague again soon after this:)

Let's not cry over spilt milk and try to cherish the numbered days ahead! Carpe manana!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Horrendous Days Endured So Far...Yet I Have No Lament

Phew! Finally, I have time to sit down and write!!! Or should I say…I received too much of complaints from my dear beloved sister who is a fan to my blog and therefore under her encouragement, enquiries and threatens, I finally ooze some time out of my deadly-exhausted mind and body to write this piece of bloody article.

Being involved with a listed company really made the difference. You don’t have time to laidback, no time for casualties and almost no time for anything!

As soon as I settled in the second day, I was assigned to conduct the next Orientation while my boss is on ONE week training leave! During the weekends, we traveled to Penang for my sis’s wedding and played around a tight schedule lasted with bulldozed mind and body.

Finally, when we came back, I conducted my First Orientation with newbie who were as fresh as I was! God help them if they were clueless with what the hell I was gibberish about ‘coz I myself were as confuse as they were! Have I mentioned about how I survived thru the days without my boss around where I simply have no idea how to handle some anonymous people who emerged from nowhere? Yeah… and you won’t want to know how monstrous a training provider could be when they are running after you for payment…simply delicious!

Next, the BIG thing came…Team-building! Lasted for two days but the experience and fun and delirious backache were just- Marvelous!!! And what’s more electrifying than that? ...It’s that I get to go again to the same teambuilding for 3 more batches….Yippee…God…Just let me diE!!!!

Straight after the teambuilding, no MC no nothing…get back to work again. Orientation again with super sexy coarse voice and deadly zombie-like demeanor. Followed up next, one whole week of viruses, germs and bacteria invading my body up to this very moment…and I’ve got several Big Projects to be tucked safely under my profile. Isn’t that just perfected the whole scenario?

However, I seriously didn’t regret to take up this job regardless the rubbish I mentioned aboveJ Because of all these, I get to know what I am capable of, my body limits and of course…How far I can stretch before the rubber band snaps...Hohoho….

To be honest, I appreciate all these hustle and bustle albeit I’m very much preoccupied now. From here, I get to learn eons of thing which I can never dream to achieve should I continue stagnant in my previous comfort zone…well…if it’s ever considered as a comfort zone: p

I am very much indebted with my current superior, Sab…as she’s the one who made all these possible…She’s the one who determined who to recruit and I hope by now she didn’t regret for bringing a monster onboard…Ha-ha…

Well...pen-off for now…Save some juicy stuff for next round. Carpe diem!

Monday, January 19, 2009

My Numbered Days In Robinsons...

4 more days to may last working day in Robinsons. Well, it is surely a blended pasta of pleasure and sadness I would say. 7 months in this place do left me with bountiful sensations; excitement and disappointment, glory and bereavement, cloud nine and mayday…so much unexplainable yet unanticipated bewilderment around. And now, it’s time for me to gather all the memories and move on to a greater height in my career life.

I am definitely sure to say that I’m right in leaving all these mess, right to pursue the ladder and right about holding my dignity…but why am I feeling reluctant at this moment? Maybe because of despite the hateful working environment and hypocrisy happening around, I still have some sweet memoirs with my HR teammates, Finance bunch of weirdo, Operation floor gimmicks and my ever-respecting GM.

Without HR teammates, I would never know that having someone to motivate you is such important. Same goes to Finance team, I would never realize that working can be so much fun without all your laughters and zzz jokes! To Operation friends; I would never taste the freedom of laser-mouthed privilege if not because of you guys! And to my GM, I will never understand how supportive a boss can be if not because of you.

Hence, do accept my ever-sincere gratitude for making my days here a lasting sweetness in my life and please accept my apology for any mistake or words that I’ve made and said all these while. Thank you all, my friends!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Crisis of Wongs...Are We To Overcome It?...Hopefully.

Marriage is supposed to be blissful where you long for all your family members and friends to feel happy for you. Well, it is always what I believe in and look forward to when it's my time of glory. However, my mindset was perturbed when I encountered an obstacle lately. Marriage which has always been a beautifully-painted picture turned into a melancholy melody in the air.

Let me put myself in the shoes of observer and tell the story as a narrator. H is considered the brainy amongst our flock and always been the apple in the parents’ eyes. I would say that due to her peer influence, she grew up rather a western-thinking lady whereby conventional Chinese culture and custom are definitely not in her Bible. Mum has always taught us to be independent and I guess that’s why we seldom share crush stories or relationship issue among siblings all these while… and I guess that’s the culprit of today’s mess. So, when she was completing her degree, she met a boy during her practicum and they feel in love soon.

As I have mentioned earlier, not much communication on these matters are being conveyed between sisters, so we didn’t get the opportunity to meet up with the potential Mr. Right. H as a semi-recluse didn’t take the initiative to bring the guy back home to meet the parents and this has further widened the gap.

Lately, H suddenly announced that she wishes to get married with the guy after 6 years of relationship. She was hoping to get the family’s blessing since she’s pregnant and needed family support right now more than ever. However, the whole family was stunned since neither signal nor information has been conveyed before this regarding to the guy; personality, appearance, background, education, career, family; - nothing at all. The news came as a shock rather than surprise.

When H received a far-from-expected response from the family and due to her sensitive personality, she perceived that the whole family disapproved her marriage and she began to drift away from the family. She felt that the family is not supportive. She felt that she let the mother down. She’s depressed and with the pregnancy around, her mind is deteriorating as well as her inner strength.

As H always confided in Y, the elder sister all these while, she was expecting Y to fully support her decision and kept her profile as privacy. As for Y who is senior than us, she felt her obligation to protect us and update the family at East Malaysia regarding to our current states. So, when things turned sour, H blamed Y for disclosing her privacy to family while Y felt guilty for H’s current state and blamed herself for not giving us proper attention. Both were reluctant to communicate and things get uglier.

When H is making the preparation for her wedding, more issues aroused. Due to her nonchalant attitude, she overlooked the importance of Chinese culture where parents meet-up, dowry arrangement, reception for both parties, custom and regulation matters are vital. These are what make us Chinese and these are the things that bring honour to the family. Yet, she failed to notice the essence behind all this hassles. So, when no arrangement for reception made for bride’s side, more questions flooded in…why there is no reception? Why there is no meet-up? Why this? Why that? Never-ending whys… All the queries made the family members more worried than ever and same goes to H’s emotion; more agitated and depressed than ever.

Mistakes made by all parties seemed to poll together and created a massive silent war where I seriously don’t know how to resolve. Everyone seems to be unhappy because of miscommunication or I would rather say no communication at all at this moment. All of us are concerned about H but fear to probe as this could irritate her…On the other hand, H felt hurt for no support received from family yet didn’t take the initiative to mend things up. So, what’s next? …

I’m really scared now for not knowing how to end my story here. I truly wish for a happy-ending story for the family of Wong.

~ Family means us, tied by bloodline, inseparable and nobody gets left behind ~

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Couldn't Help But Feeling Helpless...

Sometimes, it feels helpless when having an arguement, especially when with someone who you dear. It feels like you have wasted so much time being together yet each other can't grasp the inner feeling of one another. It makes you feel useless, heartbreak, sore and pain. You feel bottled up when you didn't voice out your unhappiness yet when you release, it ignites a bickering and leads to further bitterness.

Sometimes, you feel like you're the most contented woman in the world where everything has been planned ahead but then, there are times when you felt unimportant when other matters are always preceeding your place in the heart - career, hobbies, lifestyle and lots more.

So, what's left to be done? What's left to be cherished when you feel that it's useless to continue the journey which leads to an ambigious destination...What's left?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Do We Have The Call?...

Life is indeed a journey towards discovery. Unlike Hong Kong movie series, one can never predict what will happen next. Lately, things have been revolving around. Good and bad, mind-soothing and heart-aching events knocked on the door simultaneously, caught me by surprise. It convinced me of the power of Mighty God ~ where we are just His follower who follow every destiny which He has lay ahead for us. We are just the tiny little spark of dust living in a boundless galaxy...where things are just not beyond our control.

What else are we left to control? Yes. There is one thing we can take full control of~ The way we lead the path!

One may treat the issue/problem faced as a hindrance and sulk and whine and nag and complain and escape from it...and you never grow out of it. It will always be a hindrance.

Or you may treat it as a challenge, a test from God ...where you pray for answer, you think for solution, you undertake the obstacle and you brace yourself for the outcome ~ and if you failed, you learnt a lesson but if you succeed, you gain an experience. And there you are...unlocked another mistery in your chapter of life.

Yes or No, 'To Be Or Not To Be', ... you have the call!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Today Is Our 6th Anniversary ...



A blasé glance at the calendar just now brought me an idyllic surprise. I have that figured out days ago but carelessly forgotten about it these few days. Today is my 6th Anniversary with my beloved little one, KF and I couldn’t help but unconsciously smiling to myself.

How time flies…The memories of our old days started to flood into my minds and I delicately savor every single moment with a grateful heart. It has been 6 long years melted in a profound beauty of fun-bickers, beams-frown, love-hate, fun and tears sensations.

Ups and downs, dispute and consensus- we’ve undergone as one…

Fortune and disaster, pleasures and blisters…we held each other tight

When one’s maimed with sorrow, the other cleanse the wound

Burdened with despair, the other share the load

When succumbed to failure, the other buoy up

This is how things had been and I pray to God that this is how things will be for the journey ahead.

I’ll always love you, little one!

Monday, January 5, 2009

NEVER MEANT TO BE...



It has been 3 days without news.Not even a phone call or SMS. Joshua has never failed to give her a call all these while. The thought of him made Marie’s lips curved into a blissful smile yet the loneliness framed her forehead with tormented frown. Until when will I have to wait? She pondered while gentle caressing her bulging stomach. The image of Joshua at the staircase, hugging her tightly, whispering into her ears with promises which she has yearns for months. The image still freshly tinted her mind, like it has just happened minutes back.

Maybe he is busy, or maybe he’s trying very hard to convince her…or maybe she doesn’t want to let go…Maybe…Marie kept finding excuses for him not to call…thousands of maybe… still she couldn’t satisfy with her self-created excuses.

It has been three nerve-racking days she waited…waiting for a news which will bring joyous tears running down her cheeks, a news which has been anticipated for months… a news which end her miserable lonely nights and a news which will change her baby’s destiny- a recognition, a proud birthright of a legalized father.

Wait another day, just one more day. I’m sure he will call and give me an answer “Yes”, she convinced herself. I’ve been waiting for months, why not another day.

She picked up the phone and made some calls to her close friends, planning for an early celebration for her long awaited success. She took a long steamed bath, scrubbing off all her worries and doll herself sweetly in front of a long length mirror. Obviously, baby glow is hardly to be missed on her sweet 18-year-old face.

Though reluctantly she leaves the house, hoping to get a last minute surprise call, she reassured herself that everything will just turn out fine. From the front porch, she looked back at her tiny but comfy little house. Soon, the house will be merry with her husband and their precious little one. The thought of that brings gleam to her big brown eyes.

The moment Marie entered the Savannah restaurant, she spotted her group at one of the corners. They were all there waiting for her while devouring their favourite pick-me-up. Deborah, a newly-established artist in her sexy deep-V chiffon dress and exaggerated make-up looks ready to kill. Though she is not one of the best person you would like to hang up with, still Marie has been looking forward for this day to show off how blissfully happy she will be in future, rather than becoming a cheap artist living on someone’s else money by becoming a sex slave.

Laughing happily away next to Deborah is Steph, a down-to-earth litigator who has just begun her pathway to a promising career. She has always been a confidante to Marie when things turned out soar. Thick and thin, laughter and sorrow, she will always be there for her.
I could never make it to this day if not of her, Marie thought gratefully.

Betty’s waving interrupted her thoughts. Betty, an athletic-looking girl who is currently under a management trainee programme for a MNC. Having fun and no worries are her daily mantras. How I wish I can be like her…Marie admired silently as she waltzed through the walkway to her gang.

Deborah, as usual, exclaimed placidly on how great she looks and how the early motherhood glows on her face. Betty fussed around Marie and showed her eagerness towards her growing belly. Steph, who is always sweet and attentive to Marie’s inner needs, studied her expression all the way before making any assumption.

When they finally settled down, Steph is the one who brought up the issue, “So, how’s it going? What’s his decision?” Everyone waited for Marie’s answer which seemed like eternity. “Well, he’s going to file for divorce and move in with us,” she said with a note of proud. “Congratulations, Marie dear. Though he might not be the eligible bachelor I will ever look forward to, still I’m happy for both of you. At least the breed of yours here (pointing at her belly) will be a lawful one, “Deborah sneered. “Well, thank you, Debbie. That’s very nice of you. Yeah, it’s always make me feel secure with a man who can promise me a stable family…rather than hopping from men to men, bed to bed,” Marie snarled back. Deborah’s face was painted with red rage.

Seeing the tension building up like ripen volcano, Betty stepped in and changed the topic, “Well, Marie-bunny. Come on, you are going to be a mum, aren’t you excited?” Like a magic wand, the instant Marie think of her precious little one sleeping soundly inside her womb, all her rage and fire died. “Of course I am excited, Betty. I’ve always wanted my own children, you know that. I was filled with happiness and fear when I found out that I’m expecting his child. I’m scared that he will leave me but at the same time, I hope that this child can bring us to another stage, another level where we can start all over again as one family. When I broke the news to him, he was overwhelmed and hugged me tightly. You can almost feel his excitement by looking at his eyes.”

“So, did he tell you when is he going to file for the divorce?” Steph enquired.

“Yes, he told me that he’s going back home to break the news to his wife. So, he asked me to give him a few days off to settle the matters. Before he left, he hugged me again and asked me to wait for him.”

“Good, so when are you guys are planning for a big ceremony?” Deborah asked bitterly, still unsatisfied with Marie’s remark just now.

“Well, don’t worry. We’ll have a delicate plan on that and I won’t forget to send you an invitation card. How could I ever miss my favourite name on the list, my dear?” Marie replied sarcastically.

Deborah sank into her couch, silently admitted her defeat. Marie won triumphantly.

As they continue chatting and busying over the preparation of her wedding reception and the arrival of the newborn, Marie’s phone rang. She looked at the name of the caller and still for a second. Finally! She thought. She calmed herself down and slowly pushed the green button.

“Yes, darling. I’ve been waiting for nights,” she pouted.

The caller took a deep breath and huskily replied with a heavy sigh, “Hon, there is something I need to tell you.

This is it. The words that I’ve long for finally arrived. “I’m listening, dear,” Marie answered sweetly.

There was a long pause before the word, “I’m sorry, Marie baby.”
Marie, who is on the other side of the line, still haven’t get the clue, fishing for more words from her beloved man while winking at her friends who sat there, anxiously waiting to see the victory expression from her heart-shaped face. “What is it you are sorry for dear? I know I sounded angry but I’m not. I’m just anxious to hear from you. How’s it, baby?”

“I was about to break the news to her. I really was. But…I couldn’t. She has been through thick and thin with me all these while…and…she’s pregnant. I couldn’t leave her just because of my selfishness.”

Marie couldn’t believe what she’s hearing. Gathering up her courage, she faked a smile to her friends and said shakily, “I can’t hear you, baby. I think the line is congested here. … Why don’t you come over to my place tonight to tell me in person…for the good news?”

“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t think we should continue seeing each other. I need to be fair to her. I just wish to tell you how much I’m sorry. Will you please understand and forgive me?”

Marie could no longer control her tears. Drops of despair started to roll down her beautiful face. Yet, she managed to force a smile on her face, hiding her anguish from her friends. Steph and Betty smiling to each other, nodding in agreement by assuming the positive answer from Marie’s demeanor.

“Of course I will, honey bee. I always will. Just don’t forget that I have an appointment for ultrasound tomorrow, okay? I’ll be waiting for you” she whimpered over tears.

“What?...Marie, Do you get what I mean?..I mean we should not…”
“Josh darling,” she cut him off. “The line is really bad. I don’t think I can hear you. I’m having a great time with my buddies here. We’ll talk tonight, okay? Love you lots! Bye”

Marie switched off the phone and the cheers from her friends flooded in. Steph gave her a big warm hug. Marie’s tears started to flow uncontrollably by now.

Deep inside, she couldn’t help by asking herself… What should I do now? What should I do now? ...

Friday, January 2, 2009

Take Some Time Off...



In our journey of a lifetime, it is rare if not impossible to meet with someone who can enjoy their own sweet time while pursuing their lifetime goals. If I were to visualize the journey, it would have to be a race where we seldom stop to take a deep breath before continuing the race again. In work, in romance, in family and in life; we are always in a rush as there are eons of things to be completed.

Due to this, we simply neglected the joy, the involvement and the fun in the process of getting jobs done. The best phrase to describe the phenomenon ~ Passing violets looking for roses.

So today, try to take some time to walk slowly, bath passionately, munch steadily,sleep soundly and breathe deeply. You'll be amazed with how enjoyable it feels!

Stop by the garden and smell the flower~
Life could never be much better.