A New Beginning?

It is a new beginning for sure...yet the lil' heart doesn't seem to be at ease...wonder if it has been in dormant for years...and therefore having a shock for a restart...or...is it because it has been badly wounded and therefore self-defense mode automatically kicks in? I wonder...

And of course she yearns for a new beginning...a new breeze of life...a new soul to share her world...for she knows if she never try to walk out from the dark; she will remain in pitfall towards eternity...

And of course she feels the fear pounding hard inside; the ghost of memories fills her eyes and the soreness of past tear her down...for the longer trail walked the longer footsteps left behind...

No doubt her mind begged her to stop...pleaded to cease the doubt and follow the heart...for sense and sensibility is just as hard...

Would she be able to overcome the fear? I wonder...

Would she want to have a new start? No doubt...

Would he be the one? ...

A Dream I Had...

I had a dream...


A dream of sweetness ... and a dream leads to substantiation...

A dream which reflects yearns and concerns

A desire to undertake

A wish to be fulfilled

A decision to be made

A verdict to trail the following destiny...

Contemplating again...

Complicated seems to be the perfect state I'm in now...

Knowing perfectly how the heart feels yet reluctant to accept the feeling it gave...

Knowing what the next move is yet fear to tackle the challenges ahead...

Pretending to be ignorant yet wise enough to see the illustration portrayed...

For the fear of succumb is there...and the pain of failure is horrendous...

And I wonder what's the best to be done? ...

Trip To Bali...The Island of Memories

A trip that works wonder...and I'm glad to be able to leave everything behind and go for it... and I believe I made a right choice for that.

Refreshed, rejuvenate and recharged; what else could I wish for?

The oncoming pathway is full of hidden trails and unearth mysteries...for God to know and for me to discover...

And I wonder what's next? To stayput or move on? To attempt or to skip?

I wonder...

Current State of Mind and Soul...

Life without vision is aimless...and it’s tougher when you once had it but have to let go though you heart pleaded not to do so...The journey ahead seemed so gloomy and full of trails...which lead to uncertainty.

A loved one once advised me to move on...don’t stay put in Ayer...I wish I could and of course hope for the same for him but...I succumbed still...

Will I be able to move on? ...A question yet to be answered...

Our End...Will I Be Able To Resuscitate It?

30th May 2009

A dinner at Pan… a coffee at Old Town…a short walk back to home…and marked the end of our six and a half year of journey.

How do I feel? No word could describe the pain…for it is immense…for the pain stretches out more when deep inside I know that his suffering was greater…far greater than mine…

I couldn’t help but blaming myself, regretting over and over again for my stupidity and worthlessness which resulted in all the torment for both of us; particularly him…for he loves me dearly and unconditionally to get such a merciless retribution.

The only wish I had in mind now is to do my best in patching things up…mend all the broken heart of his by bits and pieces…it might not be as good as what it used to be…but I’m sure if I did nothing to change myself and deliver what I promised, I will have to personally certified our relationship as dead…which is the last thing I want…

Dear God, please give me strength to survive through all these…give me strength to use this 6 months time to slowly win him back to my side..for I love him more than anything else in the world…for I couldn't lose the man who has been my life for all these while...forever and ever...