Just Need A Lil' ...

Today man down. By 7.20, self-declared MC took place. Lucky enough, I have an ever-there housemate taking care of me; from breakfast to medicine...and finally dozed off under medication.

Made a call...maybe being sick is super-sensitive or maybe it's in my blood; just felt that the intonation ain't right; and so I regretted for making that call.

Just longing for sprinkles of attention. a doze of pamper and spoonful of fuss over me while I needed it most; at least for a while...is it too much for an ask? I wonder...

A Dream I Had...

I had a dream...


A dream of sweetness ... and a dream leads to substantiation...

A dream which reflects yearns and concerns

A desire to undertake

A wish to be fulfilled

A decision to be made

A verdict to trail the following destiny...

Contemplating again...

Complicated seems to be the perfect state I'm in now...

Knowing perfectly how the heart feels yet reluctant to accept the feeling it gave...

Knowing what the next move is yet fear to tackle the challenges ahead...

Pretending to be ignorant yet wise enough to see the illustration portrayed...

For the fear of succumb is there...and the pain of failure is horrendous...

And I wonder what's the best to be done? ...

Trip To Bali...The Island of Memories

A trip that works wonder...and I'm glad to be able to leave everything behind and go for it... and I believe I made a right choice for that.

Refreshed, rejuvenate and recharged; what else could I wish for?

The oncoming pathway is full of hidden trails and unearth mysteries...for God to know and for me to discover...

And I wonder what's next? To stayput or move on? To attempt or to skip?

I wonder...

Current State of Mind and Soul...

Life without vision is aimless...and it’s tougher when you once had it but have to let go though you heart pleaded not to do so...The journey ahead seemed so gloomy and full of trails...which lead to uncertainty.

A loved one once advised me to move on...don’t stay put in Ayer...I wish I could and of course hope for the same for him but...I succumbed still...

Will I be able to move on? ...A question yet to be answered...

Am I On The Right Track?

Being right is ain’t easy and sometimes when you think you’re right but people around you think differently; you’ll start to ponder, “Am I right or are they wrong?” …And there are other times when you know you’re heading towards the wrong direction yet simply can’t stop yourself…for various reasons…then the defensiveness emerges… “I know it’s somehow wrong but still I can’t help myself!”
Lately, there had been few encounters when someone suggested to reconsider my profession…well…somehow it’s a simultaneous effect of good and bad feeling swirling inside me. Being affirmed to have a certain flair for another occupation somehow or rather boosts up the confidence and egoism…yet to be doubt of having a good prospect by sticking to my current job sounds pathetic.

In fact, I adore my job though wish to have more hands-on trainings park under my nose. On the other hand, being doubt for choosing the right profession still haunting my mind…Ying has told me to give a few years to try on …which I have abide for so long…in spite of the same uncertainty keep clouding my ever-confined brain.

I had been asking myself on and off; am I on the right track? Should I maneuver or stay on track? Is it too soon? Will I regret? What if…and what if?

The questions yet to be answered…

A Sensation Breathes Life Into Me...

Achiness marched into my body system towards the noon of the day… and the commotion of pain, sore and rawness is a pleasure to suffer this time around…Weird? Yeah…I guess so. Maybe due to years of dormant lead to this idiocy…enjoying the pain that healthiness brings; coz deep down I somehow realize that pain is good…it’s good…

Lately, there has been a paradigm shift in my emotion, or should I say paradigm shifts? In friendship, I encountered fraudulence and experienced genuineness. Physically, I recognized deterioration in health yet I rediscover the flicker of life. Emotionally, I succumbed and learn how to get back on my feet again. Spiritually, I regain what I’ve once lost – my inner self.

I guess I am still gaining the merit despite the month of sickness that tore down my health…for I have rekindle with what I’ve always been looking for…the real me.

A Day At Gym Wakes Me Up...

A friend asked to destress at gym...and I agreed without thinking...feeling that it's time to turn all the volcanic eruption into a positive energy. And off we went; and that's when I found out that...I'm old d, man!I didn't even complete a 30 minutes workouts!!!

When the treadmill started to get going ...faster and faster...and I started to focus in keeping up the pace; that is when the old sensation came alive! Just focused at keeping up the pace...sapping away all your troubles and worries. Just stay aiming at achieving your goal...nothing more nor less! Eventually, I managed to drag on for 25 minutes...well, at least I stayed on the track that long after years of hibernation!!! Hah

The drenched and exhausted Shawn is what I see in the mirror...and that healthy glowing silly face is nostalgic...which I haven't seen in years...The face freed of worries and facade...the real innerself...how I wish to turn back time...to be myself again...

I found that I've slowly losing it all after entering the career world. I lost my principles, my genuine-self, my passion for life and my personality. Somehow somewhere in my life, I started to hate myself. Reflection of the ugly drenched duckling inside the mirror is like a wake-up call; reaching out to me...begging my soul to bring her back; back to where she once inhabited.

Hopefully once I pick up the rusty gear I will keep it going...and regain my trueself again. Once again, thanks a lot, Mickey...you are one good buddy! Thanks for letting me mirroring back myself one more time.

Liar Liar The Truth Is On Fire...

I've been educate not to tell lie...and I've read "The Boy and The Wolf". I wonder if those who have read the book still not enlightened by the moral of the story. I hated liar...and disgusted by the fact to have them around me.

I've always been eulogized to be witty and proud of that...but now I've finally come to the point to know what a dim-witted child I am...Being fooled and kept in the dark...until this very moment of truth.

Well, I guess that's not a bad thing to discover by now. At least I get to know that not everyone deserve my kindness, truthfulness and friendship.

Thank you for enlighten me in real life, practically with a deep punch, leaving a perpetual mark to remind me it's always good to have the benefit of doubt on my side. I'm fooled but I'm glad to experience this setback...for I'll be wiser in future. Thank you, my DEAR FRIEND!

A Sinner I Am...

Forgive me God for I have sinned. I promised myself for I won’t succumb yet I failed. Circumstances are meant to be alluring and human is doomed to be tested with only two outcomes; success or failure…and mine the latter. I entrusted myself so much that the relinquishment put me into shame and notoriously labeled my life for eternal. Should I be given another chance to choose, would I still make the same decision? I have no answer…for time can never be restored.

Current situation only consent a path which I must follow and will always do – Make a choice and never look back! I’ve gained this message from my beloved sisters and it has helped me to be who I am and where I belong now… and this will be the guiding light I will hold on to now…

Who ordain the norm?

There’s a common believe that guy and girl can never be best friends. Well, at least that’s what most people believe in. I used to challenge the belief once upon a time; when I was very much a confidante to Wei Hon. Eventually we drifted apart and other encounters started to take place in my life…and I became one of the myth believers. I started to reckon that best friend can never be from opposite gender as either one will eventually have a crush on the other…And today, I proudly reclaim my once-deserted tenet…Soul mates are regardless gender and age.

Being Sick Is A Torment...

My body has totally been battered since I took up this job. Honestly speaking, I haven't really have a good day rest from the day I joined till this moment. There will always be unexpected things rolling in and keep me all over the place...How I wish I have Monkey King's ability; to transform my hair into little little Shawn and cascade my tasks to them...Phew!

Being sick for the entire month left me with threadbare energy to focus on aspects of life. I don't shop, watch movie, cook or do tiny little thing that I used to make a fuss of. I don't even dare to call back home and talk to mum; for she will know that I fall sick and it is unbearable for her to worry about me again; when she have so much things to brood over. Being a challenging juvenile back then has caused her enough tears and pain. I wish her no more agony for the rest of her remaining years.

Dear my blogs fans, do not fret over my health. I am on the road to recovery and in no time, you will see the shiny lovely and charming Shawn blogging away happily again...till then...adios!